Family in real-time

I never had a family portrait taken of my real family...

but I haven taken lots of family portraits with my future family in heaven.

is it sad that way?

Called my dad yesterday...

our conversation never lasts over 10 min, although he's acceptive at least.

for that I'm relieved.

Called my aunt this morning...

we argued about passion, money, job, and ...living.

she didn't understand faith.

They used to be the closest people in my life...

now, I can't seem to receive their understandings.

Is it really because I am too young?

too full of energy and passion?

too full of ignorance and inexperience?

too full of defiance?

What is the meaning...

of a family in real-time...

if they might not be family forever?

How is it possible that way?

then, how should this love be?

Color

I am currently taking a class called "Color Theory", and for this coming weekend, I'm forced to read about "color theorists"....

Although, I have NEVER thought to find something SO exciting and...COLORFUL among scholarly works of these so called "color theorists". I mean, come on, if your research revolved around mixing paints for hours and hours and designing various color systems, wouldn't it be much better than say, cleaning test tubes for the entire Saturday morning?

Well, I do get to create one of these SUPER cool designs, but for the most part, the color will probably drive me blind. :[

THANKFULLY though, I get to do the research on one of these theorist, Albert Munsell, before I attempt to mess up my adventurous endeavor. Who would have ever thought "color" was a crucial research field, and who would have ever imagined to become famous for mixing colors?

Just so that you might still have doubts about your current field of research, how about stepping out of your field, and research about the "colors" in your life.

I promise you, it's more exciting than you can ever imagine.

Run, for He understands.

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

Never Alone

12/22/2009:

I left grandpa's grave, breathing in the ashes of his leftover clothe and cane.

1/6/2010:

I left auntie in a tiny white bed in the corner of a hospital room in Shanghai, without a word of farewell.

1/12/2010:

I left grandma, looking at her weakened back through the side window of a taxi.

1/12/2010:

I left Shanghai, left China, relieved of the fear of ever experiencing godlessness.

1/22/2010:

I left Peter at 4:30am, crying, letting go of his irreplaceable presence.

4/30/1990 ~ :

The Lord never left, knocking, knocking, knocking and knocking...

So I will learn to open the door and leave you all my fears, all my loves, and all that I cannot bear.

Love you, Father.

Family

I needed a family, especially this year...especially now.

God has not forsaken me, and He has given me so many

beautiful places and people in my life to be called family.

Overflow: my most colorful family, and I am so happy to share the rainbow. :D

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,

so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

-Romans 15:13-

终

I will be alright.

He will be alright too.

Father, I trust that you have led me all this way, and you have made me see love.

Now, give me the strength to still love, but in a different way.

Now, give me the heart to keep on praying, for the promised change.

Now, lead me further to trust in you and to kneel before your grace and power.

Lord, I thank you.

Wedding Dress

I once read:

The most painful thing is to wish for the happiness of the loved one you've lost. I once thought that was idiocy, for why not? Why can't you wish for the happiness of an impossible past?

What belongs to us will stay...what doesn't will not - it's plain truth. So why not leave in happiness?

I've now realized:

Being human limits so much of our innate abilities, and being human limits so much of our best wishes for each other. Human is helpless, and human is bound to sufferings. I have come to agree that letting the one you love slipping away is the most painful and inevitable thing, because it can't be help, because it can't be redeemed, and because it ought to be.

I'll need to realize:

It will be alright, eventually.

Maybe happiness is not the answer, but joy will be - joy of letting go.

If it is love, it will come around.