Failures

When I think about 2011, I think about failures. It doesn't mean that failure was all that is to it, but I suppose that's something I'm struggling with right now.

I spent the first 6 months of the year lamenting over a broken relationship or multiple broken relationships, be it romantic relationships or friendship or family relationships. I thought that I had recovered, but little did I know that I was only masking everything with the small academic or career successes that had stumbled my way. Recently, I realized that I was as much a failure in my academics as in my relationships. I guess it had just gotten to a point where I cared less and less about grades or even trying to match the standards of fellow classmates or professors. The reality was that I suck. I might be good as an individual, but in comparison to people, I suck, in every aspect.

Now, here's a dilemma.
Some say, there's no need to compare with others, but only to one's own past. That's how one grows.
Some say, the reality is harsh. There will be judgement. There will be hardships. There will be consequences. Just suck it up, and hopefully something good will turn up in the future.

Really? Will there be growth? Will there be hope?
Why is it that who we are is never good enough?