Oasis

Sometimes you enter a situation knowing what you want, hoping that the same desire would be reciprocated.
In most cases, things don't turn out as well as you might have imagined.

I like to believe in hope, to believe in something hopeless. It doesn't matter how many times I fail, how many times I fall when I put my feet on the water. I like to always try, always wait. I like to know that I will find myself standing in the end.

I have once failed; I have once been rejected; I have once been pushed away; I have once lost hope.
Like most people, I do not have the courage and confidence to walk forward when the road ahead seems dark and purposeless. Like most people, I like to give up and I like to recoil.

In the end though, I like to believe that the Lord will send me courage, that if I believe in Him, He will bring me miracles - just like finding an oasis in the middle of the desert.

Resolving the unresolved...

2011, a new year.

Whether or not I count it as a new beginning is somewhat pointless.
It's just another year, nothing special.
Life moves forward after all, and it is not limited by the turn of years, neither the turn of centuries.

Perhaps that is why I don't see the need to set any particular "new year resolution".
If in fact, there needs to be one, it should be a daily resolution, or even a hourly, minutely resolution...if there is such a thing.

For what reasons do we even need resolutions?
To motivate us to do somethings that we have never done before?
To dare us to lose another 15 pounds perhaps?
To push us off of the career cliff and find a $50,000 job someday?
To hang us by the neck as we keep on pulling those all-nighters to get a precious A?
To skip all the shame as we cram in that 15 min prayer/QT session before bedtime?

Those were the reasons I used have for my resolutions, and I achieved nothing.
I have started to find them pointless, hopeless, and useless.

However, I am not entirely pessimistic...
If anything, I would only like to resolve the unresolved...
From the last hour, the last day, the last month, the last year, or even the last decade.
Those, I have plenty.

Getting Old

Sorry to those of whom I mocked of being old....this is my apology to you.

Woke up about 20 minutes before noon this morning - that was never ever the case one year ago.
After turning 20, something inside my body has somehow changed. It is constantly dragging me backwards, downwards. It is as if my bones are decaying and my body is falling into hibernation...all the time!!

I sleep at least 9 hours a day, if not 15.
I have swollen goldfish eyes, if not panda eyes.
I hate exercising, and of course gained 5lbs of fat in the past week.
I fall asleep doing homework, which actually constitutes of watching movies.
I skipped probably $20,000 worth of classes this semester.

Hope y'all would understand that those are not good attributes to follow or to have.
So, lend me a prayer, for I want to re-obtain my youth and my energy without consuming espresso or Monster.

Looking back, I have lost my way so many times.

Perhaps in the past 4 month, I have fell away more than I have grown up.

I have thought of giving up and I have thought of letting go.

Yet, strangely, I have been held so tightly, so blessed, even in the deepest abyss.

Maybe it is your relentless calling, or maybe it is my desperate struggle, but it is time.

It is time to grasp your love again, to embrace your love again, and to dwell inside your love again. 

Because your love is deep and your love is wide.

12098b09234u09bos = Gibberish

So, many have told me about that this MATH170 (Ideas in mathematics) class is THE EASIEST....
AND I TOTALLY AGREE! 

Yet, as it pans out ....
A = 93%

Quizzes 15%: = So far it's 8/10
Midterm I 25% = 47/50 (YAY)
Midterm II 25% = 32/40 (-_-!!)
Final 35% = ?

To reach a 93% in the class, ? = 105%
And the sadness of the reality is: A = impossible....T.T!

Conclusion: I shall refrain from mathematics. The "idea of mathematics" to my brain speaks only gibberish.

Mememememe!

Penn tends to make every intellectual mind self-interested. 

An overheard conversation that breaks my heart:

So people marry because they are self-interested? - Yes

Is Mother Theresa self-interested? - Yes.

Is the Dalai Lama self-interested? - Yes.

Is Jesus self-interested? - Yes. 

So you knew all along... LOL

There was a dream in mid-July 
-Vibrant
-Fearful
-Tiger & Snakes
-Shame & Guilt
-Lust


There was a calling in late-July
-Out-pouring
-Love
-Tongue
-One year
-Conviction
-Holy Spirit


There was a manifestation of the dream in August - October
-Failure
-Sin
-Shame & Guilt


There was a revelation of the calling on Halloween
-"I still called you when I knew you would fail me"
-"My plan for you never changed"
-"if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently - Romans 8:25"