To Live

[A film adapted from the short novel "To Live" by Hua, Yu]

I rarely admire the work of the famous/infamous Chinese director Yimou, Zhang.

Assuming that everyone has watched one if not more of his films, which include several aesthetically appeasing films with scripts written by middle schoolers. (Well, I am just disgusted at his "House of Flying Daggers" & "Curse of the Golden Flowers"....sometimes I wonder if he was on crack while filming those two movies). But today I saw his 1994 "To Live" in my Chinese class, and I was then instructed to read the literary masterpiece that gave basis to this film...well, only the Author's Foreword that took up 2 computer screens.

An excerpt from the Author's Foreword:
"There's a very tense relationship between reality and myself, more seriously, I view reality as an enemy. As time moves along, the anger inside of me has come to peace, and I started to realize that the purpose of a true writer is to seek the 'truth', the 'truth' that disregards all moral judgments....the purpose of the writer is to present 'nobility' to the people. The 'nobility' mentioned here is not simply a sense of beauty, but a sense of otherworldliness that does not distinguish between good and evil, that looks upon the world with sympathy...This story "To Live" is about the people's abilities to withstand pain, and then their joy afterwards while looking upon the world. The writing process made me realize that people live for the sole purpose of living, not for any other reasons or things. I feel like I finished a noble piece."

I find it extremely enlightening, for very much so, many of our lives are lived for the sole purpose of living, and it is noble enough to even come to that realization. However, as a Christian, living meant something more. To this day, after 6 years of walking with Christ, I still question the meaning of living for God, but I have never questioned the legitimacy of living for God - simply for the reason that I cannot live for the sole purpose of living, because the source of overcoming pain through living alone is not enough to bring about complete joy, and despite of common beliefs, time alone does not heal.

...what I learned from the first...

Never realized how much I hurt the other.

Never realized how unsuccessful I was with reading people.

Never realized how pretentious I was.

Never realized how hopeless I was.

Never realized how much I learned within 3 hours.

Never realized how much emotions I pulled within 3 hours.

Never realized how much I would need God's help.

Never realized how much I could be renewed by God's will.

I am bitter, but I will be alive.

I am thankful of that.

When do you ever cry over a homework assignment?

1. Chinese412

2. Reading Modern Chinese Literatures

3. Day of 3/16/2010

4. 5:00PM @ Houston Hall, stuffing in a Dijon Chicken crepe

5. Reading the short story "The Wounded" by Xinhua, Lu [卢新华的《伤痕》]

6. In allegory, thinking of mom and those same 9 years...

7. I cannot help but cry, even in public

Joy

The past two weeks have been filled with struggles, bitterness, doubts, and jealousy.

I completely forgot that "He is jealous for me".

I ranted, ranted so much that I was disgusted at myself.

Thank you for those who listened anyway...whenever you need me to put you to sleep.

Finally, I sucked it up and prayed.

He answered me, and completely amazed me with love and truth.

In one of those crazy Disney songs, I remember hearing: Have you ever tasted the tears of joy?

I haven't, until yesterday. It was the sweetest tears...(well, ok, not literally).

I thought I could not repent.

He took away all my selfishness and gave me the ability to love.

God works in the most mysterious and most unpredictable ways, and I am utterly amazed.

Thank you all, my loved ones.

Thank you, my dear Heavenly Father.

You paint the morning sky

With miracles in mind

My hope will always stand

For You hold me in Your hand

What is love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTXsFycGPIw&feature=related

时光穿不断流转在从前
Time cannot pierce through, it only flows in the past

刻骨的变迁不是遥远
Deeply ingrained changes are not distant

再有一万年深情也不变
Another ten thousand years, love remains unchanged
爱像烈火般蔓延
Love is slowly spreading like fire, seeping through

记忆是条长线盘旋在天边
Memory is like a long thread, circling the sky
沉浮中以为情深缘浅
Life's ups and downs made me think that love is deep but fate is short
你再度出现我看见誓言
You reappear, I see commitment
承诺在水天之间
and promise between the sky and water

回头看不曾走远依然目光此生不换
Looking back, I never went far, I'll never exchange the clinging gaze in this life
要分散不习惯怎么算都太难
Had to separate, cant get used to it, No matter how I add up, its just too hard
分开之后更勇敢愿这爱世代相传
I'll be stronger after we part
in hope that this love will pass on eternity

唱不完忘情泉不让你如烟
Song of love, forgetting spring never ends, not letting you become the smoke
前尘再怀恋望剑如面
Remembering our past, looking at the reflecting sword
挥舞的瞬间别再闭上眼
The moment of brandishing, dont close the eyes again
错过惊世的依恋
And miss the awe-inspiring longing

回头看不曾走远眷恋一人流连忘返
Looking back, I never went far, Yearning for one person and refusing to leave
多少汗够温暖你哭喊我呼唤
How much sweat will be warm enough, You cried out, I called out
听清耳边的呢喃别害怕风轻云淡
Deciphered the murmuring by the ear
Dont be afraid, everything shall pass

执子之手，与子偕老

(is it really just a fairytale?)