Getting Old

Sorry to those of whom I mocked of being old....this is my apology to you.

Woke up about 20 minutes before noon this morning - that was never ever the case one year ago.
After turning 20, something inside my body has somehow changed. It is constantly dragging me backwards, downwards. It is as if my bones are decaying and my body is falling into hibernation...all the time!!

I sleep at least 9 hours a day, if not 15.
I have swollen goldfish eyes, if not panda eyes.
I hate exercising, and of course gained 5lbs of fat in the past week.
I fall asleep doing homework, which actually constitutes of watching movies.
I skipped probably $20,000 worth of classes this semester.

Hope y'all would understand that those are not good attributes to follow or to have.
So, lend me a prayer, for I want to re-obtain my youth and my energy without consuming espresso or Monster.

Looking back, I have lost my way so many times.

Perhaps in the past 4 month, I have fell away more than I have grown up.

I have thought of giving up and I have thought of letting go.

Yet, strangely, I have been held so tightly, so blessed, even in the deepest abyss.

Maybe it is your relentless calling, or maybe it is my desperate struggle, but it is time.

It is time to grasp your love again, to embrace your love again, and to dwell inside your love again. 

Because your love is deep and your love is wide.

12098b09234u09bos = Gibberish

So, many have told me about that this MATH170 (Ideas in mathematics) class is THE EASIEST....
AND I TOTALLY AGREE! 

Yet, as it pans out ....
A = 93%

Quizzes 15%: = So far it's 8/10
Midterm I 25% = 47/50 (YAY)
Midterm II 25% = 32/40 (-_-!!)
Final 35% = ?

To reach a 93% in the class, ? = 105%
And the sadness of the reality is: A = impossible....T.T!

Conclusion: I shall refrain from mathematics. The "idea of mathematics" to my brain speaks only gibberish.

Mememememe!

Penn tends to make every intellectual mind self-interested. 

An overheard conversation that breaks my heart:

So people marry because they are self-interested? - Yes

Is Mother Theresa self-interested? - Yes.

Is the Dalai Lama self-interested? - Yes.

Is Jesus self-interested? - Yes. 

So you knew all along... LOL

There was a dream in mid-July 
-Vibrant
-Fearful
-Tiger & Snakes
-Shame & Guilt
-Lust


There was a calling in late-July
-Out-pouring
-Love
-Tongue
-One year
-Conviction
-Holy Spirit


There was a manifestation of the dream in August - October
-Failure
-Sin
-Shame & Guilt


There was a revelation of the calling on Halloween
-"I still called you when I knew you would fail me"
-"My plan for you never changed"
-"if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently - Romans 8:25"

Falling

The feeling of drifting when you have been lifted uncomfortably high.

Slower and slower...

Falling...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uuwlkfJ2yg

All of Creation

Captivated but no longer bound by chains 

left at an empty grave 

the sinner and the sacred resolved

This is the reason behind discipline, behind fear. 

As much as we need to fear the LORD, we should also be reminded that God will ALWAYS uplift us. 

Fear and austere come from the realization that He loves us. 

Fear and discipline are not simply instruments that push us to do the work we can't motivate ourselves to do. 

They are attitudes towards living a Christ-like life. 

He doesn't need us to do ANY of his work. He is capable ALONE. 

He cares more for our hearts than our actions.