Cielo - Phil Wickham

A recent song suggestion by my dear friend Christine Li, and it has "stumbled" me ever since.

Since the end of July, when God's miraculous reward showered over me, instead of running towards Him, I ran towards myself. I became proud and careless, as if his gift was enough to drive me forward for eternity.

August and September fell on me like hard rocks. For the first time I felt the weight of God's pain and anger. I thought I failed, miserably. Yet, His anger went over my head, and what showered over me was His love - the love that kept no record of wrongs.

I've never thought of myself in this way, but everyone, include myself, is a prodigal son. No one, absolutely no one, can run towards Him more than He runs towards us. He never looks back, and He will never take a wrong turn. He looks at us, all the time.

I have never been brought so low on my knees, but when I did, the only thing I saw was His beautiful beautiful eyes.

"I can't bow low enough at the vision of you, my God."

相爱，不如相知

相爱，不如相知。

与其执着痴念，不如化为祝福。

不要让你爱的人被你的爱所磨浊。

反过来，以你的爱让他得到力量，展翅高飞。

假若真的有缘，就算分隔两地，心仍会在一起。

真正爱一个人，心定以他的幸福当做是你的幸福。

若然有人能比你给予他更大的幸福，你就把他送到那里去。

-晋元 《仙剑奇侠传》

Letting go, forever

Last time saying sorry, my dear.

Last time taking in your anger, my dear.

Last time shedding my tears for you, my dear.

you said, have a good night...I said, have a good life.

How I wish to keep you in, but I am just too tired.

Defriended. Deleted.

Love Defined.

Love Protects.

He stood by her side every night, dressed all in white. He appeared by her bed as she lay there dying. He appeared in her dreams every night, embracing her, healing her, and cradling her. Unlike any other men who have abused her, who have hurt her, who have lied to her in life, he did nothing but protect that dying and broken heart.

Love Feels.

He led her to the house of prayer, to the house of the Father. In the biggest room of the house, there was a big and beautiful bed. It looked so comfortable and cozy. In fact, the room itself was so comfortable that it was named the room of intimacy. Yet, she saw the small door under the bed and asked him where that door lead to. He said, it leads to the weeping room and few will choose to follow him there. She followed because he went there. As she walked in the small room after him, she saw only one window and one chair, and she heard the weepings and cries of the whole Earth.

Love Waits.

He picked up a wallet. He saw a note. It said: To Michael Harding, I love you, Michael, but my parents will not let us be together. But do not worry, I love you and I will never give my love to anyone else. - Hannah, 1961. He found Hannah in a nursing home, smiling while he asked about Michael. Hannah said, when you find Michael, tell him that I love him still. He walked out of Hannah's room, and ran into a nurse. He showed the nurse the note and asked if she knew a Michael Harding. The nurse said, ah that Mr. Harding, he always loses his wallet. He is up on the 6th floor. 2 weeks later, he received a wedding invitation in the mail.

Abba

(Credit: Shang Chen Photography)

Perhaps we don't remember, that one second of time when he held us up. Some of us remember by that single yellow-edged photograph. Father, daddy...some of us have one, some of us have multiple, and some of us claim to have none.

Those times when we laughed, those times when we whined, even those times when we fell, he stood by. We saw the wide-shouldered grown-up man just standing by. He stood by laughing with us; he stood by aching with us; and he stood by yearning to offer help. Yet, he never seemed to be moving toward us. Some of us didn't even see a man.

Yet, the second we turned away from him, his strong arms dragged us back and lifted us up. Sometimes I wonder, how is he so fast, so strong that I have no power or even desire to struggle against him. I suppose, I have always wanted to be brought back, to be held up, and to be lifted high.

For some time, I saw independent crawling more desiring simply because I wanted a life away from the righteous, away from the one who gave life to me. Before that...I didn't even see him.

Now it is my struggle, to want your attention before I turn away and to want your strong arms before I fall. I don't want to just wait...I am too scared to wait...and I need you to know that I want your touch of grace more than anything that I can ever ask for. Hold me, daddy, hold my heart.

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me.

Home Sweet Home

Home,

How I've missed you so.

You have no idea how excited, scared, and impatient I am to see you again, or perhaps you know it all, all along.

I can't wait to snuggle in your embrace, for a year I've longed for your presence.

I can't wait to eat at your dining table, for a year I've longed for that freshly cooked meal.

I can't wait to hear your joyous cry that loudly proclaims, "I miss you so, and I love you so".

His Love

Sometimes, I feel like a bird in a cage, lacking freedom, lacking courage.

The world outside is full of light, and I recognize its beauty. Yet, a creature like me, a bird without wings, a being so dark and sinful, do I really deserve to step out and share the light with the almighty?

I am unworthy, and I deem myself unworthy, and I refuse to step out of that cage. Can I really take flight? Can I really receive your spirit? Can I truly lay my dirty hands open to you?
Why do you want someone like me? Why do you love someone like me?

And that's when you said to me, "because you are my child."