Abba

(Credit: Shang Chen Photography)

Perhaps we don't remember, that one second of time when he held us up. Some of us remember by that single yellow-edged photograph. Father, daddy...some of us have one, some of us have multiple, and some of us claim to have none.

Those times when we laughed, those times when we whined, even those times when we fell, he stood by. We saw the wide-shouldered grown-up man just standing by. He stood by laughing with us; he stood by aching with us; and he stood by yearning to offer help. Yet, he never seemed to be moving toward us. Some of us didn't even see a man.

Yet, the second we turned away from him, his strong arms dragged us back and lifted us up. Sometimes I wonder, how is he so fast, so strong that I have no power or even desire to struggle against him. I suppose, I have always wanted to be brought back, to be held up, and to be lifted high.

For some time, I saw independent crawling more desiring simply because I wanted a life away from the righteous, away from the one who gave life to me. Before that...I didn't even see him.

Now it is my struggle, to want your attention before I turn away and to want your strong arms before I fall. I don't want to just wait...I am too scared to wait...and I need you to know that I want your touch of grace more than anything that I can ever ask for. Hold me, daddy, hold my heart.

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why
'Cause I'm on my knees begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father, will You run to me.